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» Favorie Fictional Characters
Groomer vs Buzzlocke Holmes EmptySun Apr 28, 2019 12:38 am by Onoxdorf

Groomer vs Buzzlocke Holmes

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Groomer vs Buzzlocke Holmes Empty Groomer vs Buzzlocke Holmes

Post by Onoxdorf on Sat Aug 18, 2018 9:29 pm

It was just a normal evening in Novastorm. Many people were playing video games, but many more were just there to chat. The conversations were meaningful and interesting, encouraging more and more people to engage in conversation. All until Goomer arrived. As he logged in he began spamming the same old pictures people have already seen a thousand times with autistic efficiency. Less people began to talk as Novastorm fell into autistic anarchy. It was as if he lacked anything intelligent to say whatsoever so resorted to shit posting memes to make up for his lack of anything intelligent to say. For people like goomer I suppose it didn't matter what you post as long as it's something. Quantity over quality is clearly a phrase he lives by. 
Kitty the underage, socially awkward, lonely, desperate girl appears in Nova. She has been lurking for many hours, but posts immediately after Goomer posts his first meme. "LOL. Hi goomer" kitty says eagerly. Goomer's immediately feels a rush of infatuation as the girl he so desperately thirsts for laughed at his memes. It was an amazing feeling getting the attention from the girl of his dreams. "Hello kitty, how are you?" He responds hastily. "I'm not good goomer. I'm scared of going to school soon I am having homicidal thoughts. I'm very stressed" kitty responds. Goomer pauses for a second. "You should come join my discord, I can help you with that" he says in a creepy and suspicious manner. Nobody seems to notice the pure fishiness of the whole situation until one person with common sense arrives. "what the hell is that supposed to mean goomer???" Rowlie demands. Goomer is shocked somebody actually noticed what he was doing: "It means nothing rowlie, don't you know I run at 7 levels of irony in every single thing I ever say? Anything suspicious I ever do or say is always just a joke so stop thinking too much into this and just think like everyone else." Rowlie is not convinced, he leaves to investigate the situation further.
A couple of days later goomer then posts the link to his discord into Novastorm which causes a few novians to click the link. Kitty, Goomer, Rowlie and Kirsale are now in the discord. Goomer and Kitty are talking, but Rowlie and Kirsale say nothing. Goomer and Kitty chat whilst the other two lurk. Then out of nowhere Goomer's thirst takes over. "When you're legal you can move into my home kitty" Goomer says in a friendly, not creepy whatsoever tone. Kitty is happy to hear this and giggles in glee. "My boyfriend really loves me" she thinks to herself. "Maybe I don't need pictures of ace on my laptop now that I have a new boyfriend" she ponders.
The next day Goomer arrives back in Novastorm and yet again he kills the chat posting unfunny memes, which causes his underage girl who is definitely just his friend to respond "LOL" in a repetitive fashion. Goomer got the LOL he so desperately craved, he would do anything to hear that underage girl LOL. For some reason this disabled, underage girl with no standards was too hard to resist. "mmmmmm kitty" he thinks to himself as he sits hunched over his keyboard selecting the next meme to post from his meme collection. Before he can select a meme Tam arrives. "Goomer is just future farming kitty" she says in suspicion. "Yes I am" goomer admits hiding behind his false mask of 7 levels of irony. The entire of Novastorm fail to see the blatant trickery going on right before their eyes. Goomer chuckles to himself: "I can say whatever I want with these people, they don't suspect a thing!"
A few hours later and kitty finds herself falling into a deep depression. “I’m going to die alone and that makes me sad” Kitty broadcasts into the chat in desperation. Nobody seems to feel like replying, however her knight in shining armour sees this as an opportunity to gain his ladies favour. “I can guarantee you won’t die alone kitty, for reasons” he responds. The rest of nova seem to ignore this however kitty grins. Rowlie ponders to himself… “what the hell is that supposed to mean???”
Suspicious, but not fully certain Rowlie decides to test something in Goomer’s presence. “Hey kitty how are you?” Rowlie says confidently. “I’m not great buz, I feel depressed like my life is never going to improve. What should I do?” kitty asks. “Well kitty” Rowlie smirks. “I suppose you have 4 options.” “what are they” kitty asks. “Well I suppose you can either:
- kill yourself.
- Try and get out more and force yourself to socialize till things get better.
- Shoot up your school.
- Or be socially awkward for the rest of your life and depressed as fuck, then settle for some freak you meet on chatango who is thirsty as fuck and is grooming you for when you’re old enough to move into their house.”

Before kitty could even respond Goomer reacts in a clear fit of emotional rage: “FUCK YOU BUZZ” he responds. Little did Goomer know it, but he had just taken the bait. Rowlie smirks yet again. “What??????” he responds faking ignorance. Goomer realizes he cannot make a big deal out of this or risks making things even more obvious. “Nothing” he responds as he retreats to discord to clear his head.
The following week some Novians got together in a discord voice call. Kitty, Rowlie, Char, Chris, Zero, Goomer and a few others were there. Kitty was being irritating by making stupid noises and talking at a pitch to drive even the sanest human beings mad. “I hate you Zero you fucking NIGGER” kitty calls out at the top of her lungs. “Nigger, Nigger, Nigger, Zero is a Nigger!” Zero calmly begins trolling kitty, causing her to leave the voice chat. Goomer the nice guy then begins to defend kitty. “you should of seen it Mado, they were bullying kitty.” Goomer then unmutes his mic. “I FUCKING HATE NIGGERS” he calls out. “What the hell Goomer why are you getting so defensive over kitty?” Zero asks. “I’m not defensive everything I say is just irony dude, it was a joke.” It clearly wasn’t a joke, but hey goomz says it’s irony so it must be a joke, right?
The day had finally come. Rowlie decided to confront Goomer. Over the weeks he’d noticed enough weird, creepy and generally sketchy shit being said. Rowlie decides the best place to take this is to the nova discord. “So groomer why are you grooming kitty? Aren’t you 24 and she’s a minor?” Rowlie asks. Goomer seems uncomfortable with the topic of conversation and immediately tries to change the subject: “shiny gold is a nice guy.” He responds. Clearly he doesn’t want to explain himself so Rowlie presses further. “Goomer you’re ignoring the questions because you know you’re backed in a corner and cannot explain anything. Aren’t you 24?” Rowlie asks again. “No I’m not 24, have you heard my voice in discord I’m actually younger.” Goomer responds, clearly trying to disarm the situation with lies. “Well that’s interesting Goomer, because on your reddit post it says here that you’re actually 24. Why feel the need to lie unless you’re trying to hide something?” Goomer yet again stays silent, he is obviously trying to think of something to say, but has no explanation. “Don’t you see I am talking in 7 levels of irony Rowlie? Anything I say that’s a lie, weird, creepy or questionable is just irony so stfu” “Whatever you predator” Rowlie responds.
The hordes of Novastorm begin to gather in the discord voice chat. “Goomer join the voice chat and explain yourself” Zero asks. “No I’m taking a shit for 40 minutes, however I can text chat, not voice chat.” Goomer explains. “Surely if someone just accuses you of being a pedo you’d want to clear things up straight away, unless you’re trying to think of an excuse and buy time?” Rowlie states. Goomer yet again ignores Rowlie. It’s clear he’s hiding something as his actions are so suspicious, yet Goomer seems to think his actions are those of an innocent 24 year old man.
Chris slivers behind Goomer: “don’t worry goomer I’ve got your back.” Goomer thanks Chris, “I trust you dude, I can tell you anything. Did you know I added kitty on facebook and she sends me pictures she wouldn’t send to anyone else?“ Chris gasps. This is the moment he’s been waiting for.
(Queue the evil morty soundtrack.)
Chris stabs goomer in the back, before screening some of what goomer said to him and posting it in chat. “What the hell chris I trusted you” Goomer responds, he then hastily deletes every message he ever shared between him and chris. “Why did you delete all your messages to try and cover shit up Goomer?” Rowlie responds. “That isn’t something an innocent person would do.”
Goomer is backed against a wall. He has no explanation for the shady shit he’s been doing. “I am not a pedo ok I just have autism!” he calls out in a last-ditch effort for empathy and to make the situation stop. “I have autism too, but you don’t see me grooming anyone” said Talon. Goomer pauses, “this situation is hopeless the only hope I’ve got is to hide behind the most compassionate person in nova and hope that he protects me even though I’ve done so much shady shit. It’s not like I’ve fucked her yet, I’ve don’t nothing wrong!!!” He thinks to himself.
Before Goomer knew it a zulu warrior unintentionally came to his aid. It was Char and he was pissed. “Chris you’ve just back-stabbed someone again wtf dude.” Before Goomer knew it, he had got the diversion he so desperately needed. All the heat was off him and onto Chris even though his situation was far more serious than what Chris did. “Why do you backstab all the time Chris” Char demands. “Char don’t you think this is minor compared to the real reason people are here?” Mitch asks. Char ignores Mitch and carries on. “Chris you are a snake and all you do is 180 on people.” Before Rowlie knew it, the chat was getting spammed full of chris and char arguing, and Goomer’s guilt got buried under their infantile squabbling. “Phew, it’s all over and I got literally no consequences. I better go BG a few people to show them I’m a nice guy.” Goomer chuckles to himself, as he retires from discord to communicate with kitty outside of public eyes.

Groomer vs Buzzlocke Holmes 7levelsofirony

Posts : 9
Join date : 2018-01-27
Location : Onoxdorf Concentration Camp

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