Spin/Yiffy stuff, Whose Side I'm On, Addressing Slander, etc etc

I respect your vision on this and you seemed to have actually evaluated and really taken notice to how this situation has gone down from the starting point of the discord at least. From reading your post and really thinking about how things have gone back and forth between both ends I've also realized another thing that I've fallen to this trap of letting things get to me and not taking a step back to calmly assess things. 

Like I've said in other post I've realized that I might have said some bad things. I don't think I've said too many things in comparison to Talon and spin and such but to whatever bad comments i have said I let my emotions get the best of me and lashed out. I shouldn't have said the things I said I truly didn't mean the things i said as well I was just in the heat of the moment. Not saying this in a means of justification just saying how I chose to respond to the things I saw was not right by any means. 

I know we spoke about some things awhile back in dms and it really meant a lot to me how reasonable and understanding you were being. I'm not sure how much you knew at that specific point but it really lifted a good bit off my shoulder to know some people wasn't just out for my head and pointing fingers at me at random and was civil enough to share opinions of the situation. I brought to your attention my own stance in terms of the initial situation towards yiffy/spin and we both had the same logical stance on it. One of the things people kept coming at me with is that I was supporting Spin's side on this when there's nothing anywhere of me saying such things. 

You told me how you disagreed with a lot of the ways I executed things and my past views and such and I never lashed at you for that. I'm also under some assumption that the reason I left or has said/done certain things is because I couldn't take criticism or something but if that was the case I'd also lash at you for your own disagreements with me. 

The back and forth ping pong match of addressing slander has indeed gotten out of hand and it's clear as day that it's equally faulting of both ends. We've also had people on both ends do/say horrible things and it ends up spreading to other people who aren't associated taking a lick for them. 

The channel indeed was a mistake in the first place and again I want to say that it was not Spin's idea at all to have that channel, it was mainly me that wanted it. I was really upset at what certain people were saying about me and wanted a space to vent at. I don't remember everything that was said in the hq but I think I do remember that it did sort of start off with us saying hurtful things towards the Nova community. Everything said within that channel however within that channel wasn't with all of us in alignment. I don't share the same feelings as Spin/Talon towards certain people. I don't agree with anything that was said pertaining to you, Shaun, and most others in Nova. I don't have any negative history with any of you and have only had positive and uplifting experiences with the people they have something against. My comment moreso geared towards people I for the most part don't really associate with or have much history with but even so it was still wrong to say and again was only lashing out in anger saying nonsense. 

I will still stand by the fact that the Nova community in itself had a negative effect on me. This doesn't mean that I blame people such as yourself and such. When the community first shifted years ago that's when I chose to walk a different path. From that I've had many experiences where I am put in an unfortunate situation where i end up getting swagged due to some misunderstandings. These cause me to start caring less and less about things since I'm just going to be labeled anyways. I became more and more edgy and memey in response to these situations and went to a certain point of being a huge negative influence. Don't confuse this as me saying that this is Nova's fault for me being this way. It's basically me falling prey to my own selfishness as well as letting these misfortunate situations mentally pile up within me to the point of cracking. This is entirely a personal flaw and I partook as being one of the people enabling toxic behaviors. 

It was just really convenient that Luna had started and I also had to go away from training during the month of January. Before that however I think that was around the time when I started opening my eyes to things taking notice to how rowlie was treating naid for example and how I normally would enable that type of behavior as a normal thing. During my training all I really had time for was being on my phone for a bit during the night or occasionally during the day and chatango is really buggy for my phone so i just settled for discord for that month. I settled in Luna since Novacord wasn't the main platform so nobody really spoke much there as well as also just letting myself have a breather from Nova after going through high tensions with Mado, link, and such. That month really hit different since I didn't have people over my head randomly lashing at me because they read my comment the wrong way or having people just randomly approach me with some bs claiming I've done this or sided with said person. Coming back in Febuary things only got worse and randomness kept being said about me so I got fed up and decided that I needed a longer break. I would attempt to reach out and talk about things but instead i would get ignored and told "this isn't worth my time" and such. This is how things would begin to roll into where things started off with your knowledge of the situation with this ping pong match of slander. From looking at how certain people were executing and handling this situation opened my eyes and made me reflect on how i used to approach things and how it effected people and such and convinced me that I didn't want to go back to being like I was at Nova anymore. 

In terms of how I've been going about things I may have started out being foolish but I've not shown any further signs of display of disrespectful behavior. I've taken account of things on my end and never resisted on things that were actually true when they were brought to my attention. I've admitted to my faults and have expressed my attempts of resolution. Of course just because I apologize doesn't easily mend the things I've said. It's very understandable to have ill feelings toward me after the fact especially for the more innocent people such as yourself reading how former vital members are saying cruel things about your community. 

At the time I myself was following the same lines as targeting a group rather than just certain individuals. I of course don't follow the same verdicts as I did when I was more furious. 

I really do simply just want to have a reasonable discussion with just those certain people and clear a lot of things that is simply untrue about me. I'll do my best to try to minimize my own slanderous thoughts and instead try to understand what is being said first. I just want people to understand that I have never had any intention of being hostile in any instance. Even before this mess there are people who consistently have their guard up and get all angry and lash out randomly claiming they're being attacked when I simply ask a question or try to address something in a civil manner. These unfortunate misunderstanding moments really do get out of hand. 

I don't want to point fingers at people but when people continuously point fingers at me and don't listen I don't have no other option but to point back and be like "look at yourself." I'm such an easy person to speak to and some people are only making it hard on themselves with how paranoid and stubborn they're being. 

Anyways in conclusion I personally follow and respect your view of the situation. Mostly everything you've said I do agree with and have also noticed more flaws upon my own ends in this situation.

It's true you said less than other people. That doesn't mean you still didn't say quite a bit though. Going off the top of my head I recall you saying things about wanting to destroy our community, that our group groomed you into being a toxic person, that Nova is just all bland people, that it's easy to move on after leaving most of us, and also a lot of instances of you encouraging hostility between both groups by encouraging this "war". These things aren't something I'd really expect a friend to say and to be honest man I was pretty sad and disappointed after finding out what you were saying about us. I get that you were frustrated but I can't help but feel that you really did mean all those things even if you were just clouded by emotion. I do appreciate that you admit it wasn't right though.

Yeah we did talk in dm's and I felt we had a decent understanding and shared some similar viewpoints on the situation. It seemed as it we were both fairly neutral at this point in time. Also I knew a bit about a few things back then such as Luna bitching about people behind their backs. I was aware you were associated with them but I didn't hold any prejudice towards you because I recognised you weren't saying the same stuff as them such as things about Yiffy, Nova and people in general. I also saw you defend Mado in Luna a few times earlier on into this drama while other people were having a good bitchy gossip about him over some really pathetic stuff. Funnily enough, after us having that short conversation on the forums on your thread about addressing slander in that same evening I was shown everything of what you and the rest of Lunastorm have been saying. As for people assuming you were supporting Spins side I think it's all down to timing and a few other things. A few people close to Spin got up and left and you also disappeared at a very similar time and happened to be within their discord server.

To be fair man some of the things I disagreed with you on I simply just didn't voice to you because I couldn't be bothered. I'm a rather lazy person and debates or even comments on things I don't care about is a waste of energy for me. When I said I disagreed with you on things but still held respect for you it was more about some of the edgier humour you had, opinions on certain people and some of your moral choices. I have voiced some things here or there out of genuine concern for you (such as when you were juggling women) but for the most part I think I just left you to it.

It's understandable needing a place to vent. That channel did seem to evolve into something far more than just venting though. And yeah, I know you guys aren't psychically linked and don't share all the same thoughts and feelings. I do think a fair few of you had overlining beliefs about Nova though. I do get you guys have a lot of pent up frustration, but like I said before I can't relate to how you dealt with it.

Nova having a negative impact on you is something I struggle to get my head around fully. Now I want to say I understand our community had a very chaotic and toxic history. Our group had a reputation of being full of trolls and cancerous drama. There was a whole bully culture going around a few years back and many people adopted the mentality that by bullying people they were helping them. It was a dark point in Nova's past which I cannot deny happening. Even I took part in some of it and I even enjoyed it. But that was all a long time ago. We aren't children anymore. People have grown up. I feel a majority of us have matured a lot mentally as people. Nova doesn't have the same atmosphere it used to have. People can talk about their feelings and show vulnerability and what started off as uneasy alliance blossomed into genuine friendship for a lot of the members there. I agree that you were edgy and toxic and if you're trying to say that you became that way because people in Nova hurt you I'm genuinely sorry for that. But I feel like it's important to remind you that those times are over and most people have let go of their troll personas. If you looked around in Nova recently it wasn't as bad as people paint it to be. The place actually has a really good vibe lately. There is a few people who are shitting up the mood a bit but that's just due to the recent fallout from people finding out what others were saying about them which I think is fairly understandable. You must have been able to see how Novacord was just minding it's own business and there was little to no toxicity or aggression going on before the WarHQ stuff got shown to people. People were just playing games and talking about random stuff. It was really nice.

As for how Rowlie treated Naid I don't agree with that comment he made either. It was in retaliation to many of the twofaced things she was saying behind his back in Luna, not that it makes it right of course. Before then I do recall them being on better terms and it kind of just came out of nowhere really. Rowlie wasn't the only person who was angry with her, he just happened to be the only one who expressed it publicly. I get that you back then would have enabled that kind of behaviour but we definitely did not enable it in Nova and he was punished for it when it was brought to light. Also I get that you needed a break. Everyone needs a break from things sometimes. If you're feeling burnout that's understandable. As for the reactions you got when you returned to Nova you need to understand they were based on assumptions built up from how you portrayed yourself in Nova before you left, how you were in Luna and not present in Nova and also how you disappeared during a very convenient time when a few people made a choice and quit completely. Do you see how it looks from the outside looking in?

It's good how you're trying to better yourself and trying not to be disrespectful to people anymore. Being able to reflect on things is a very good skill to have and a desire to better oneself is very important as without it people can't properly grow. I feel like you have been kinda stuck in a loop of spiralling negativity for a while so I'm glad you were able to break out of it. I don't think just stating that you have changed will be enough for some people to believe you changed though. They will need to see those changes and I imagine it'll take time for people to notice. It's rather difficult to wash mud off your reputation once it's on there.

I do want to add that I still feel frustrated about the things you said. I don't think I'll ever fully understand why you said what you did about us. That shit surprised the hell out of me and made me feel genuinely sad because I just didn't expect it from you. After seeing you defending Mado I assumed you weren't the type to join in with that kind of behaviour like some of the others in Luna. It kinda stung really after I found out the rest. Lets be honest here man, after you saying things about you wanting to destroy our community, that our group groomed you into being a toxic person, that Nova is just all bland people, that it's easy to move on after leaving most of us and all this other shit how can you really say to us that you didn't pick a side as it didn't seem like you were staying neutral.

From me personally the whole destroying the community thing was a meme I wasn't being serious about that at all just like the whole label of this being a war. I guess in a sense i have said the community groomed me but I'm not really trying to say it was the main cause, it was my own choice that I fell down that path and chose to follow the more negative spectrum of what the community provided. Even to this day there's still tons of childish and negative scenarios that go on. Since you're not really one to be involved in dramas it probably blows over your head or doesn't seem like much whenever you glance at something. It's definitely a lot less than what it was in the past in terms of how in the past majority of people partook in chaotic natures but now it's moreso condensed to certain people so it can be easier to miss. 

I still stand by the fact that majority of the things I said was just me acting out of frustration. I truly didn't mean the things I said. If I did then I wouldn't be here today to try to clear things up and fight for my friendships. I wouldn't have even stayed in Nova as long as I have. I had felt betrayed and reached a breaking point and it led me to acting out in a way that wasn't me. 

I have mentioned that I completely understand the fact that people would assume these sorts of things from the convenient timing of events, but that doesn't justify for them to just automatically jump to the most negative conclusion and label me outright without first confronting me about it first. Do I have to report to the Nova community before I make any type of move to safeguard myself from these random acts of hostility?

The whole me supporting Spin's side was going down way before even that. I would repeat myself over and over again in chat where my stance was yet I would still get people still saying "Hey Char is supporting this." Nobody likes to ever record the things I say into their minds and always converts every single thing i say/do into the most convenient thing against me. 

My declaration of change isn't even a part of this conflict in the first place, it's just what came out of this experience. I never expected nor was saying this to light some people's visions of me. This experience opened my eyes to the fact that I enabled and supported as well as nurtured a lot of these negative tendencies in chat and made me realize how unhealthy it is. I know it'll take time for people to get used to converting myself back to a more positive influence. 

After losing composure I did drop my neutral stance for a bit. After seeing what I saw as well as recollecting how consistent this kind of thing happens to me within chat it made me put pieces together to believe that Nova simply just didn't like me and was just waiting for an opportunity to justify isolating me. All I could think at that point was how foolish I was to believe these people would be my friends. Only negative thoughts could fill my mind at that point. It especially heightened when nobody at first wanted to speak at all and would only ignore me and just continue speaking of me behind me and going about their day like I mattered little to them. 

Of course I'm not saying these things justify my actions.  I still hurt people and hold myself accountable for my actions. I don't disagree with how you and everyone else who is innocent view me with how what I said effected them. 

Again I appreciate your approach in this and apologize again in full for my course of action. For myself and the community though I feel it's a lot more beneficial I keep my distance. Too many tensions linger toward me and I feel to keep peace and not risk anymore type of alarms this is what must happen. I wish everyone good luck and hope things stay good for the community.