A Yellow Butterfly

In March of the year 2020, my life began. As I said goodbye to the familiar places & people I grew up with, I embarked on my new journey through life. This one promised the prospect of independence, freedom to choose, & the necessary experience to become an adult capable of facing life's hardships in order to one day teach their pupil what it means to live in their own time of discovery.

The days before seem like an incohesive fumble of confusion, loneliness, compensation, & ignorance. In those times existed plainly myself; the one who knew only what was given to them & not what could be earned, what could be given to others, & what could be experienced. This was a person who had no chance of change. They lied to themselves, ignored, gave up, & sought no means of better improving both the lives of those around them & their own life.

On a few of those lush & breezy days, in my daily routine, a yellow butterfly appeared for me. "An omen, to be sure!" said my overactive imagination; until the idea possessed my curiosity to it's threshold. I simply could no longer keep it contained within myself. For what reason could I possibly be seeing this same exact omen? This entity?

Attempting to satiate my wonder about the butterfly, my mother had an answer for me, & that was: Change.

What a simple & stagnant answer. Is there anything that could even possibly not mean? Despite this, the butterfly appeared again & again. Nobody would believe how often! The summer of 2020 did indeed change. Veritably, much did change about the friendships of Novastormchat. People did as they do when they are upset. They argued, they insulted, they refused, & eventually, they left. Seeking change, they left to allow new avenues of fulfillment into their lives. The kind that would refresh their view of themselves.

These pilgrims of change brought with them their still heavy hearts & chose to be unbound by their past; now only seeking what could be in store for them in the future. Understandably so, as their opposing entity could only be seen as an immoveable object in their way of creation. At this point you could ask what this has to do with myself; and that is nothing. My significance is about as much as you could expect from the lens of a group of internet individuals upon a naive young man. 

So where then did change lie within me? Why would this omen appear before myself? As I walked you through the short thesis of 2020's summer, I hadn't touched the great gaping hole left in it's wake upon my still beating heart. Devastated was I, the young man now on his own & therefore more in need of his only then friends than ever before. My actions in the summer of 2020 divided the people to whom I felt most close with & the consequences were dire. 

Where had the dream gone? My visions of hope? Where then, did they go in the weeks, the months, & the year that had passed after I had decided to do what I felt had to be done? What followed had never been my intention, & in the process, I laid to rest with a histrionic display the part of myself that could exist within this universe I had created.

As I learned more & more about this world & it's people, I discovered more about myself. And through this exploration of myself, I changed in ways that created the guise of a villainous individual to those in this now crumbling world. Ways that taught me the true value of people by themselves; ways that taught me the levels of respect an adult should treat themselves with in a world where being an inadequate one will be a chore to those around you.

As few of you may recall, in March of 2020 I posted a video to my personal Youtube channel titled "acceptance". A video in which I voice my new approach to self-image. My entire life up to that point, my self-image always depended on the viewpoints of those around me. Overly concerned with how I appear in the eyes of every encounter & constantly in need of reassurance; this changed. A newfound confidence was born in me when I grew to realize that dependence on others to make me feel good about myself was a complex that needed to be pummeled exactly into the ground for the sake of my valued friendships. No longer can I allow my weakness to tyrannize others. 

Though this might come as a surprise to many of you, few of you are also aware that I was born a male! The root of my insecurities felt irritated as if tortured by water as I felt confined by the circumstances of my birth, & the impending manliness to forever haunt me at it's final arrival. This also changed. No longer will I be idle & take even one more moment away from my blossoming true self. The time can only be now to actualize my image.

And finally, as a year closes since the events of that wretched past Summer, the omen begs an answer I came to realize on my own. What is to change next? That, my beloved & most honorable friends, is the hole left in my heart by our departure from one another. I choose to be unbound by the turmoil of this past year & take on the challenge of finding my new life. As I continue to seek improvement in my personal life, Smash, & the discovery of new things, I can't allow pain to manifest in the form of mental blockades that keep me from my goals in life. I see now that in order to truly become the functioning adult, the best Smash player, & the overall best version of myself, I have to be alone & learn to give to myself what my friends have so selflessly & honorably given to me.

This yellow butterfly showed to me the true meaning of life & all that there is to be thankful for as well as improve upon & seek change in. The yellow butterfly exists in the world of all of you as well! As we all grow into new people & seek change in ways we never thought possible before, the yellow butterfly is the only thing we can be certain of. Like a shepherd of glorious fate, the butterfly will lead us to our next destinations in life. Where to next?

Spin has abandoned the Luna server in attempt to get things back good between those who left and the current Nova community. He feels responsible for the separation of the Nova community and feels if he's out of the picture then eventually everything will be ok again. 

He wishes to move on in attempt to rid himself entirely of this situation to get it out of his head to help his mentality and do better in life. 

This will change nothing due to the fact that this is much bigger than just how he himself effected the community. We will still not see eye to eye regardless and this was inevitable even if he never came to Nova in the first place. 

I do feel like this will be a great opportunity for him to lay this situation to complete rest. Hopefully if he sticks to this and everyone else stays away from this situation things will be left alone and we will not have to really think about this much more and remain where we belong with no issue.

Even though part of his plan is cringe and won't work at all, I do support this as this will benefit everyone in the long run.

Sorry to be a bother.