The melancholy tale of the ice princess

There once was a girl born to a house of great expectations. She was fairly normal if not a bit shy and withdrawn, a little sheltered but lived a happy life. Growing up in a little mountain town she was always surrounded by natural beauty and gained a fascination for it. Finding a certain peace in the hot springs and the snow it would always keep a special place in her heart. Apart from a few family members she was often left alone, growing up on properties her father owned far from other children. Despite this she didn't mind, instead focusing on art, exploration of the natural world and of course video games. That said, there comes a certain confidence with this sort of life. She did have her cousins, a sister and a brother at least so it's not like she was completely alone. At least there'd be visits and time where she could share her hobbies she was passionate about. That's what life was really about, sharing these little things she cared about that adults would never acknowledge as worthwhile - whether it was a hot spring off the beaten path she found or how to rip sprites out of emulators. Presenting these little adventures and findings she made while alone to others was so exciting. Maybe that's why she'd grow up to place an extra interest in those with niche strange hobbies later on.

but time goes on and the time to grow up comes for everyone. Her doting parents became less open as the relationship fractured between them more and more, moving away from her mountain town. These tensions grew as her brother grew distant, her cousins visits became increasingly rare and her older sister would leave the family in defiance to her parents - even to go as far as to never return. It was so long ago the girl of our story doesn't really remember if she said goodbye or not, she was probably too young to really understand right then. Expectations grew more and more, getting put in more after school classes than she ever wanted. Her grades were fine and she excelled enough being forced to practice everything twice as much as others around herself.. but a certain longing for the past always stuck around. She didn't like being alone so often but she missed the freedom of her old life. Life stopped becoming about this natural sense of adventure and wonder but rather just a focus on what her family wanted her to be.

Perhaps it was only natural then that by her teen years she ended up rejecting it. Fighting against an indifferent father wasn't so hard to end the extra programs she was sick of but disregarding a controlling mother is much more difficult. You can only force a rebellious youth to obey so long by force alone though and it wasn't long before this girl realized she could just leave. It was pretty rare they'd stop her from just walking out of classrooms or do more than tell her parents what a troublesome girl she was... but it didn't bother her. Instead using the internet as a crutch she found some new fun interacting with others online, roleplay was fun but trying to make friends in any serious capacity rarely ended well. Even so, bad or good people - maybe she was just happy to finally be interacting with others in this way not really having many friends or dramas in school with people her own age.

Perhaps something about this new life style in a new home she didn't want to be in is what caused a personality trait of cynicism. She wanted to be bubbly and excited for those times she'd meet someone equally excited about the things she was passionate for but it became harder and harder. Whether it was her home life or something else entirely she really just never could grasp a proper relationship with others. Chatrooms quickly became throw away and the people in them interchangable - This new attitude resulted in the girl no longer caring what strangers thought of her either, what expectations did she owe them anyway? She thought it was like art and social experimentation. She could share whatever fetish she was interested in or say whatever outrageous thing came to mind and it didn't matter since it wasn't real anyway she thought... Honestly, no one cared what some crazy girl online had to say while posting weird pictures anyway.

Skipping classes to nap in the day and staying up all night online left her frustrated family to drop so many expectations. She had no interest in school anymore or becoming anything important let alone what her private tutors and parents probably had planned. Who were they to judge her anyway? Not like they ever made it past highschool much either. Perhaps there's just something wrong with her they would say out of earshot thinking she couldn't hear... but that's fine, as long as she could retreat from her stressful life she didn't care if she impressed a family who showed her nothing but indifference and resentment anyway. She stopped pretending to herself that she lived in a normal family and realized the only respect she would ever really garner was a defiant attitude. Her father didn't approve but maybe he saw himself in the girl at least in that way which begrudgingly opened a door to repairing a piece of understanding between them.

She was probably fine with how things were but she missed her home, her real home and she missed that freedom more than anything else in life by far. Not only that but she was sick of feeling so disconnected from others, being a parody of her true self. She chose to search for any random anime chatrooms she could find thinking if she would pretend to be a bubbly silly lewd girl it'd be much more fun than being at odds with others all the time. Sometimes it worked but mostly it did not. Her temper was never quite in check and something was always wrong though she couldn't understand what. It didn't take long before she was removed from anywhere she might have wanted to be and only left the worst places where she wouldn't be kicked out.

Sitting alone in these places she had time to debate, argue and work her thoughts out... sometimes this gained her attention from interested people and sometimes it gained respect from the more timid members in chat who were too afraid to speak up.. It was strangely easy to get lost in this forgetting what her original intention and purpose was. She stopped really being very happy as anyone who might want to hear about anything she really cared about became few and far between even in an endless sea of new people. Whether it was depression or something else she quickly became more and more jaded often blaming other people and the world itself for making her feel like such an outsider. Even when others showed interest in her she rarely thought much of them treating many others like idiots not worth her time. Perhaps this is where the girl developed a bit of an ego. Often she'd be challenged by others who disliked her attitude and she'd feel compelled to respond. She couldn't tell anymore if she had something to prove or nothing better to do. It didn't matter, everything ends eventually anyway. "Everything must cease" was an immutable law she would often repeat to herself.

For awhile this was fine even if it wasn't very fun. She knew she was special and talented, maybe she could follow in her sister's footsteps. She'd make her own relationships and happiness out there away from her family one day - Maybe even her own family. At least that's what she believed... but things never quite go the way you want, life is full of tests and punishments for your mistakes. Arguments whether it be with randoms online or her family or her teachers became more and more difficult. Sometimes she'd make a few friends online but something would happen and she couldn't understand what happened or why anymore. Her brother and cousins and few friends she had online became often displeased to see her rather than excited and happy. As if time had skipped over what had happened she realized she had become a less kind and fun person than before. Often becoming suddenly angry over unimportant things and anyone who wouldn't respond nicely. She would often use bad language and lash out at those around herself - Usually those who were targeted most were those who tried to show they cared about the girl. Sadly though she rarely listened, after all no one really cared about her so anyone who lied about it were the ones who hurt her most. They were the ones who deserved her anger the most. She would keep trying to argue and explain her thoughts but things that used to come easy quickly began to felt like a maze. Losing who she was and what she cared about until... something would change again.

It was a blur what came next to the girl - as if a piece of the story is just missing. She was visiting doctors, her family admitted something wasn't quite normal about her enough that she was given back some freedom to just exist and she could speak with professionals that helped her understand what was going on again. With some time and medication she returned back to a more stable state. Things were never quite right again like they used to be but at least she wasn't lost in the maze anymore. Life became less about being free and more just moderating her own thoughts and feelings, staying on track to be grounded in reality. After all she didn't want to become that bad person again.

She returned to some places she left behind online and with a clear perspective and a little fighting she carved a spot out for herself there maybe even making some real friends for what felt like the first time in her life. It was then she remembered the value in others who challenged her to become better. She could share things on a much smaller scale whether it be what little areas she patrolled outside or her adventures in silly hobbies like video games. It wasn't much but it was probably the first time she had really been happy in a long time.

By now you realize where this was. It was here of course. Many problems arose and she knew one day she'd leave (probably in a destructive or defensive way, just like she did everything else in her life) but for a time it was nice. She was surprised to make connections of any meaningful level or actually look forward to certain people arriving and saying hello to her. It was a lot more than any of those past places and a few stand out individuals seemed to really just want her to be happy. So she thought to herself "Why can't I just make a place like this for myself?" That was when she first gave herself the moniker of "Ice princess" - that's when the Ice Princess was born.

She constructed her castle and a few would come to visit but... for the most part she just sat there alone and felt a little silly. There was somewhere she could be now and what good was being alone waiting for others to show up? Of course no one really showed up beyond a sympathetic few, who must've wondered why she was sitting there alone advertising it on her profile... but that was fine, happy to even have that much she kept it in on the side - returning to her friends and enemies elsewhere left behind. Maybe it'd have a use one day she thought to herself and... ultimately it did. For awhile she had all the power and people to herself - happily sharing almost every insignificant detail of her life had become a ritual to a fanclub that treated her like a real princess... From a kindred soul to an effeminate weirdo to a young boy from the sands to another girl who just wanted to have fun.. but everything must cease and eventually it came time for things to end. This too must pass. The girl hated this and just as she always knew, she couldn't accept it and those who wronged her or pushed these events must've been to blame. She didn't want it to end yet, there was so much more she wanted to share and do. She didn't deserve to have it taken away just because of a few past enemies she thought to herself and yet... Any revenge, any lashing out and any victory over those who she felt wronged her just felt so empty. It was all so pointless.

It was a lesson in humility and a reminder that she wasn't like other people in the end. In another fiery ultimatum she cut down a lot of the connections and people who she placed so much excitement and value on before. After all if they were just tools to hurt her in the end then maybe she would've been better off alone. A normal person could've probably just accepted it was the internet and it didn't matter, it's better to forgive and be happy than hold a grudge but she was never able to really do this. Anyone who couldn't comply with the ice princess was just an enemy in the end. She could pretend to be a harmless kind person again but in the end fighting is what she knew how to do more than anything else. Anything else was just... too hard.

For all this drama she still had a few who wanted to be friend. It didn't matter how many times she messed up or burned them it seemed. So for awhile that was good enough too. Perhaps some of it wasn't in her control and perhaps the girl was always a bit too dramatic for her own good but she treasured a lot of those little moments. It was still worth having these feelings and caring enough in the moment even if it was destined to end so soon.

She felt it coming, an overwhelming sense of things to come. Things had to change and not just online in her bubble where she felt some safety and relief from the boredom. The more she spoke to the others the more she realized what she really wanted. She had to be free and there'd come a time to leave this all behind. Perhaps a time to even leave these little connections she fought tooth and nail for behind too. She kept dreaming every day of a fresh start far away from this place, far away from her family. There has to be a simpler life out there somewhere where she could follow her little passions and dreams to be happy. Maybe she'd take up painting, learn a new skill or even just spend a year snowboarding every day. Perhaps if she was lucky she might even make a few friends half as good as the ones she had to share her little adventures with too.

It wasn't surprising that this phase of her life had to end too... but maybe she could make this dramatic change herself for once and take some power back in her world. Happiness isn't something that just happens, it is not the result of just good fortune or random chance. It is not something that money can buy or power can command. It does not depend on outside events, but rather, how we interpret them. Happiness is in fact a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated and defended by each individual person. People who learn to determine inner experience and apply it to their outer life style are the ones who will be able to determine the quality of their life. This as as close to happiness as anyone can reasonably expect the ice princess thinks to herself.

So alone she sits in her winter castle on the remains of her hydro kingdom. Having small interactions with her hydro prince in the few visits she gets is nice enough. By right and might she should be queen by now she thinks to herself and she's no longer just a child but... something about this nostalgic feeling and the moniker she gave herself "Princess" means enough to her that she'll never change it. She can see the horizon - Freedom and happiness are there. In her heart she knows this is true. It's almost time to leave.

---
Honestly I didn't mean to make this all so dramatic so much as rowlie just told me there was some fun backstories to read. He suggested I write down my own. Don't read into it too much, sometimes I just want to put my 5OUL ON D!SPLAY - For what it's worth I did try originally to make it a fun story like char might write or a little less depressing but what can you really expect from me at this point? I'll be a moody beyblade girl for life and you should have learned to respect that by now. Just remain complacent and don't ask why. I'm the princess.

My story is missing a lot of details and names because I didn't want to say some things or mention some people. It would be a hassle to individually name each person I liked and what I thought of them anyway. I'd be stuck talking about things like how I respect Onox and unironically think he's emotionally smarter and happier than most of us will ever be in ways we might not conventionally treat as intelligent or how I hope I wasn't too much of a disappointment to a friend like rah who gave me more than I ever deserved considering the way I act or how Mado might be the most unique and special person I've ever met in my entire life. If anyone really showed me the value in trying to be better or happy it was you Mado for sure.
... but see what I mean? That's not even mentioning others like Yiffy or Mitch or Link or whoever else. I even got a spot in my heart for those I've disavowed like Talon for the little bits of history we shared together. He's an asshole but I couldn't bring myself to delete anything like Mt Talon so I guess I hate him less than I'd like to let on. I even kinda enjoyed a strange rivalry with char when it wasn't so serious in a strange way.

Some people aren't even worth mentioning by name though. I'm looking at you Drago.

It's just a chatroom in my chaotic life but some of you and the little moments of pineapple pizza we shared I'll probably treasure forever and have a lot more meaning than you bunch would ever realize.

I don't know if I'm quitting but currently I'm not interested in coming back because of... reasons. You can have my story though if you actually felt like bothering to read the whole thing.

I doubt I would, I hate reading.

That's what I expected from an asian background. For otakus and such it's normal for these moments where parents have these high expectations where they want them to be doctors or lawyers or whatever and no life school but the child just wants to maximum their introverted weebness, following their own path. Expectations of others is something I personally feel is meaningless. They apply pressure and stress upon somebody which forces them to feel and question if they should be that certain way but fail to realize that each individual has their own unique journey that can make them successful and happy. 

Don't think you'll take it from me but I feel like it's kind of a waste to quit this place. You obviously enjoy the place and most of what transpires in it. I don't feel it's really a good thing to just simply go away because of these certain reasons. If worked through properly it can be nerf'd or subdued so you can feel more comfortable. Nobody hates you and don't mind you being around and most enjoy your company. 

If you do decide to quit though it'd be a shame that we never get to conclude our differences. I know it's been a long, hopeless quarrel between us for years now but from them I feel like we at least come to terms of understanding each other more even if it's little by little. We clearly don't hate each other but we do hate certain things about each other that we both seem to can't figure out what to do about them. 

Again don't think you'll really take it from me as well as it might be something you can't help but I feel like you should just try your hand at reaching out at more sources within the community to figure out courses of actions that will help ease your situations. The wars that happen only happen because both ends are misinformed and engage things in the wrong way, which tend to always end in stalemate or making things worse with more added conflicts. Not saying that you directly at fault but it's just something we all are not perfect on as a community and it tears us all a part with how dumb we tackle situations. 

In conclusion I'm not trying to sway your mind or anything. You know yourself more than anyone just giving my own personal thoughts on things. Whatever you decide to do hopefully it works for you and you end up satisfied with it.

cringe

A story about a girl that does nothing and goes nowhere.

Funny coming from a girl who is nothing, comes from nothing and has no one, Tina.

o.o

cult wrote:cringe

Tina wrote:A story about a girl that does nothing and goes nowhere.

It really do be like that though.