Rowlie's Origin Story

by Buz Tue Dec 22, 2020 8:52 am

Early Childhood:

I was born into a middle class family one year after Unright was born. We are brothers and grew up in a shitty home environment. Our father couldn't cope with dealing with children. He wanted lots of children, but would be abusive to them once he got them. He couldn't cope with having children so would get angry and hurt them. My early life I just remember being treated awfully by our father. Our mother was cold and would always keep out of it and let it happen. He used to beat me and say things like: "you'll thank me for this one day". Things like that I have never forgotten. Growing up I tried to reason with him multiple times when he was raging, but it was useless. He was some sort of retarded, gorilla man who lacked empathy. He'd see me crying and devalidate my feelings. "You don't have feelings, you fake them, you're a psychopath" I remember him saying to me to justify what he did. I also remember once telling him that if he hurt me again I would never forgive him. He did it anyway. My resentment of that man never dwindled. I tried to forgive him many times throughout my life, but he'd always turn on me the moment I showed the slightest bit of kindness towards him. He mistook my kindness for weakness. Despite this treatment it didn't affect how I treated others. He taught me an important lesson in life and that was how not to raise a child. He showed me what I would never become. When I have my children I would raise them totally different to how he raised me.

Despite my treatment at home I still wouldn't consider myself an unhappy child. Children are adaptable and I just learnt to live with the abuse. I remember knowing it was wrong, but I was not able to defend myself from it anyway. It became easier to accept because I lived in the moment pretty much like any child that age. I didn't care about anything other than having fun. Despite my upbringing I still didn't hold any meanness in me.

Primary School:

I went to primary school and met a girl there. Her name was Megan and she was my first girlfriend. I was a dumb kid and asked her to marry me the first day we met... She said yes lmao. We stayed together up until I was 10 and she moved to the other side of the country. I didn't love her romantically because I didn't know what love was back then. I did miss her dearly though. She was my best friend at the time and I felt abandoned. I had another friend at my school who became my new best friend, but she would betray me the moment I went to high school. "My mum said that boys and girls cant be friends in high school" I remember her saying to me. I said "we can be friends if we want too" and then we ended up promising to stay friends despite what her mum said.

High School:

I started high school and I wasn't prepared for the environment. It was a rough school and bullying was rampant there. I didn't make any new friends because I thought I had my best friend, but then she started hanging around with other people who hated me. "Just fuck off" Their friend would say to me daily. I didn't want to be around them though, I just wanted to be around my friend. Eventually the bullshit got to me. I straight up looked at my friend to see what she'd do after I was told to fuck off for the final time. Her eyes looked sad like she wasn't going to do anything. Hurt I said: "fine whatever" and walked off. I never spoke to my friend again.

The first few months of high school when the friend groups were forming I didn't make friends because I thought I already had one. I was content with that one friend, but once they were gone I quickly realized how fucked I was. I was bullied, attacked, disrespected and tormented constantly. My life became a living hell. I wandered around a lot trying to find my place in that school, but nobody wanted me. I spoke to tons of people, but still didn't make any friends. Eventually I found Mitch and his friends. I started hanging around with them, but I never felt welcome there. I would stay there to avoid being bullied, but felt like his friends didn't like me. I tried to joke with them and get on with them, but they just weren't interested. They only tolerated my existence because Mitch made them. I didn't enjoy playing football with those idiots. I didn't relate to any of them.

My life was pretty rough from ages 11 - 13. I would get attacked by random people. Beaten up. I wouldn't fight back because in my mind I just wanted friends. I didn't care about hurting people. I was an extremely stupid and naïve child. I believed that if people were bullying me and I was nice to them back they'd start to feel sorry for me and realize I was nice. That was not how things worked. People just saw weakness and the bullying escalated more and more. I remember feeling suicidal at 12 years old. I would go home and cry because my innocent child mind couldn't handle the day to day abuse. It felt like I was just a punching bag for a majority of my year group. Whenever I tried to tell my parents I was suicidal my mum would scream at me. She'd be emotionally abusive towards me for being so unhappy and talking about it. I was never allowed to talk about it.

Despite me being a punching bag at that point in my life I still had a person at that school I could rely on. Mitch always had my back at that place and defended me when he witnessed bad things happening. I remember multiple times where he beat people up who hurt me or bullied me. He defended me when I was too stupid to defend myself. I recall one time where a kid threw lemonade in my eyes. I could see, but not very well because my eyes were stinging. I remember seeing a blurry figure lunge out of the crowd and attack the guy who threw lemonade at me. It was Mitch and he was kicking the guys head in. They were throwing a lot of punches at each other and he tried to kick my brother in the head but he ducked under the kick. Mitch kicked the guy in the balls a lot during that fight and slammed the guys head into a tree. Mitch ended up winning the fight. He had to spend time in isolation for it but wasn't phased by this. He protected me when I was too stupid to protect myself. Whenever he witnessed me being attacked or bullied he'd defend me. I am grateful for everything he did for me. We were in different classes of course, but when he was around I knew I wasn't alone. I don't think I would have gotten through my time at that school without him there. When I had nobody else I could rely on I at least knew that I had a brother who had my back.

A lot of classes were tough. I didn't have friends in them and when I tried to make friends it often led to me being bullied for just opening my mouth. I learnt to not answer teachers questions. I learnt to play dumb to avoid ridicule for being smart. I learnt not to report the bullying because if you did the teachers would tell the bullies you snitched on them. This then led to even more people having a problem with me for being a snitch. I remember once asking a teacher if they could just tell the bully that someone else had reported seeing it instead of me so I wouldn't get consequences for coming forward. They told me that wasn't possible... I lost faith in the teachers there and stopped reporting it after that. A lot of classes were just horrible because of this. I would get especially bullied in PE. The teacher would make people line up outside of the changing rooms and sometimes take half an hour to let people into class. Whenever I went to that class I would be attacked whilst waiting for the teacher to show up. When I was at that lesson people would purposely kick footballs as hard as they could at my face or throw cricket balls at me to hurt me. One kid kicked me so hard in the foot that it split my big toenail down the middle. It took several years for it to heal and was very painful. The teachers never did anything about this. They'd see me getting treated badly, but just didn't care.

I would go to French class. The French teacher would also bully me for being bad at the subject. He would bring me to the front of the class every lesson and make me rehearse French in front of everyone. I always struggled with French and people found it funny to watch me struggle with it. I would get kept behind at the end of every French lesson and shouted at for being bad at the subject. Eventually I got sick of being treated badly so started studying hard. I ended up getting a good grade in a test and it made my teacher mad with me. He accused me of cheating when I didn't. In the end I got punished for trying my best anyway. I realized that nothing really mattered and stopped doing homework or studying for exams from then onward. Whenever I got detentions or shouted at it just didn't matter anyway. My life was miserable and these teachers couldn't make it any worse. Eventually I just started skipping specific classes all together. I came to the realization that it just wasn't worth it. I would walk out of the school gates and pick and choose my lessons. Everyone who worked there seemed to just turn a blind eye to it. I remember getting into trouble once for not going to PE. My head of year and all the PE teachers got me in a room to shout at me. They demanded to know why I wasn't going to their lesson and I didn't hesitate to tell them. I explained very calmly how my life was hell, how I'd get bullied and hurt in their lessons, how the teachers were powerless over me because they couldn't hurt me like the bullies could. I told them that I wasn't going to go to the lessons and I'll take the detentions instead. I then said that they wouldn't expel me for not going to PE because everyone else at this school gets a million second chances anyway. Those teachers were shocked at my response. I suppose they weren't expecting a dumb kid to respond in such a way. I doubt they'd ever been spoken to like that their entire careers. My head of year just responded "you will go to your next PE lesson" and told me to leave. I never did go to PE again.

XBOX Escapism:

I started playing xbox when I was at home to try and escape my suffering. I used to play on my brothers xbox account where I befriended some of his xbox friends on halo 3. I met some Irish people and immediately integrated into their clan. I was desperate to be accepted and got along with all of them. We would play halo 3 daily. Eventually we moved to halo reach and the clan began to grow bigger as more Irish kids from my clan leaders school joined. I was a total stranger in that clan, but rose to 3rd in command. I was happy and felt a sense of belonging. It was nice to have friends to play with and talk to even though they were from a different country to me. Eventually though my brother had an argument with the clan leader. This led to the clan leader kicking me from the clan for being Mitch's brother. I was devastated at the time because that clan was my only friend group. They all removed me and it was at that point I realized I never wanted to join another persons clan again. The thing that helped me escape from my shitty home life and high school was gone.

Unable to cope with this I did the only logical thing I could during my time at home. I founded a new halo clan and began recruiting people to join it. I was like 12 at the time. The first person to join my clan was a kid named Luke. He was the first friend I made on my own on xbox. Luke was my best friend at the time and we would play together daily. The issue was that he would constantly betray me at any given opportunity though. He would backstab and lie constantly. Our friendship cycled through being friends, betrayal, him begging for forgiveness and me letting him back into the clan. Eventually I wised up to this and dealt with him by telling him the only way I'd let him back into the clan was if he deleted all of his friends list. He refused so I said at least delete 20 friends. Once this was done I asked him to delete 20 more. He then said he wouldn't do anymore and I said just delete 10 more and he did. Then I was like "you've already deleted 50 friends delete 30 more or you did all this for nothing." He was so desperate for forgiveness he did this. Then I told him to delete his last 20 friends. He said no at first and then I said: "well I guess you deleted 80 of your 100 friends for nothing then. Besides once you're in the clan you can add all of us as your new friends." Luke begrudgingly agreed and deleted all of his friends. I then removed him. That was my first taste of revenge. He then got his dad on the mic to talk to me and I got Mitch on the mic to pretend to be my dad. They had an argument about Luke being an abusive person with vulgar language. Luke's father got incredibly angry and informed Mitch that he had been sitting in the same room as Luke whilst he plays xbox and knows Luke doesn't swear. Eventually Luke left the party and I never saw him again. Many of my clan were in the party at the time listening to the drama in utter disbelief. He was my first xbox friend, but he had to go. A lot of my clan mates were happy to see his demise.

The trauma of being betrayed so many times combined with my home and high school situation made me go off the rails. I began engineering the life I wish I had over xbox. A life where I had all the power and everyone wanted to be my friend. I would decide who could join the clan and who would get outcast. I was incredibly selective to ensure that nobody betrayed me or caused others to turn on me. I would weed out anyone who opposed what I wanted or who could think for themselves. The whole group dynamics revolved around me. A majority of my clan were petty idiots who would constantly argue and fight. The only thing that united them was their love of halo reach and their loyalty to me. Many of them hated each other, but would compete viciously for my attention. I quickly realized that with power came friendship. Xbox people would do their best to befriend and gain my favor. It felt like a majority of the dramas that went down were just clan mates fighting over my friendship. Things got progressively worse and more toxic as the clan got older. A culture formed which was hard for new people to understand. Joining the clan became a contract where you couldn't leave without being completely alienated by the entire group. People who betrayed the clan were harassed via private messages and bullied. It's strange that in this toxicity and constant drama I found peace. I had effectively created an xbox cult and had so much power I remember telling my friends to ignore their parents and do as I say. I remember their parents telling them to get off the xbox and me telling them to stay. I recall multiple occasions where my clan argued with their parents and tried to stay just because I told them to. I remember one kid swearing at his parents because I said so ahahaha. This was a lot of power for a kid to possess over others via an xbox games console. It was during this time on xbox when I adopted the name Bowser.

Out of all my clan mates there has only been one that I could imagine talking to for the rest of my life. His name is Minty and he was originally not supposed to be anyone special. His purpose was to be a low ranking grunt and he would stay quiet during a majority of the vocal dramas. Eventually Minty told me about his abusive home life. His father was beating him up and Minty would come onto xbox to escape his life. I would listen to what he had to say about his home life and supported him by talking to him about it. I didn't recongise a similarity between our situations at the time and just saw someone suffering in my clan and I wanted to help them. I cared about everyone in my clan and treated them like family for the most part. I remember being on xbox with him whilst he cried about his abuse and just listening so he didn't feel so alone with it. I could empathize with him and he could empathize with me. It was probably one of the few times in my life I experienced a wholesome friendship. I remember we would watch documentaries at the same time on BBC iplayer whilst talking on xbox.

Personality Shift irl:

Who I became on xbox started to rub off on me in real life. I remember being knocked over onto concrete whilst at school. I hit my head and looked across the courtyard to see some really scummy smoker kids. I decided I wanted to join their group because nobody gave them shit. The group was made up of both guys and girls. They were smokers, rough, the sort that came from a council estate. (Watch Jeremy Kyle if you need to know what I'm talking about.) Originally when I made first contact with the leader of that group she attacked me. She pulled my hair out, slapped me a ton and then left. I decided that talking to her wasn't an option because she acted like an animal. I went for a different approach and started to observe them. I noticed they'd barely eat at lunch and would scrounge food from other people. I worked out they were spending their lunch money on cigarettes. I decided to tame them like animals and offer them my lunch every day. This worked out and I was accepted into their group and liked despite not being a smoker. I had gained a lot of immunity to certain bullshit through affiliation with that group. Certain people who tried to give me shit would get ripped into by a gang of unpleasant and nasty scummers. I still wasn't untouchable, but my social standing improved considerably.

Over time I felt I began to lose my benevolent nature. With each passing day I was punished for being kind. I began to consider if empathy was just a sign of weakness. I became more selective with who I was kind to. I adopted the mentality that I should only care about people inside my inner circle. I would witness bullying every day and feel good when it wasn't me on the receiving end of it. People wanted to tear you down at every opportunity. It felt like I wasn't allowed to exist at that school. Nobody ever felt empathy for me so why should I feel any for them?

I eventually learnt that most things can only be settled with violence. I would beat people up over minor things or the slightest disrespect in front of others. I would always do this publicly to ensure as many people saw as possible. I remember someone throwing a block of ice past me during the winter months. I turned around and said "you missed". When I turned my back they then threw another one and hit me on the back of the head. People were laughing at me. My response? I turned around and walked over to them. I then beat up the ringleader without even knowing if he was the one who did it. I was punching him, kicking him in the face and pushing him over. I didn't give him a chance to defend himself because I didn't want to lose. I didn't know who threw the ice, but I suppose it didn't matter to me. I felt like I unleashed all my pent up anger on that guy and he barely even fought back. Nobody tried to stop me. Nobody wanted to defend their friend. Towards the end of the fight Mitch's mates saw it happening from the school field and came running over in excitement. One of Mitch's friends knocked the guy I beat up over the moment he was just getting back on his feet. The guy then crawled onto his feet again and ran off with his mates. People were cheering for me and excited at what just happened. I never got consequences for that altercation. That specific group of people never gave me shit again. Winning a fight always made me feel good. At that point in my high school life things felt like they were going up because I had more control over what was happening there. Whenever I did get into fights I never got real consequences. It felt like I got more consequences socially for allowing disrespect. The school's punishments weren't real punishments.

Rowlie's Origin Story Speed-o-Sound-Sonic-2

I adopted the mentality that all good and bad things that happen to a person are deserved. It made it easier for me to accept my mistreatment and also justified my own actions. I became a revenge bully and started bullying people who were originally giving me shit because in my mind they deserved it. Yet again I never got consequences for this. None of the people I bullied wanted to fight me and when fights did happen it was always me who engaged them. Many people felt uneasy around me and thought I was unpredictable. I had a decent group of friends for the rest of high school, but I never really felt happy there. The environment was too hostile and unstable. You couldn't let your guard down and constantly having to fight people really wasn't as fun as it sounds. My school had a negligent policy for dealing with bullying. People were never punished properly and always had a thousand chances no matter how badly they behaved. I realized standing up for yourself was more important than spending 2 weeks in a room facing a wall. For me the punishments were never real punishments. They acted like I'd be sad about being isolated from the people I hated. 2 weeks in isolation was an easy sacrifice to make when compared to the alternative of just taking the abuse.

Everyone at that school cared about their appearance and social standing. One of the only ways to heighten your social standing and image was to publicly disrespect somebody or beat them up. It felt like the entire environment rewarded cruelty and punished kindness. My time at that place made me very conscious of social hierarchy and left me always looking over my shoulder. This meant that nobody could ever catch me off guard or fuck me over. I was so paranoid I would spend hours planning for specific events. What if this guy said this to me? How would I react and what would I say? If I was to attack them how would I make sure I win the fight? Where would be the best place to fight them? Were questions that often raced through my mind. My paranoia would always ensure I noticed subtle details that indicated somebody had bad intentions. I would often know what somebody was going to say to me before they even said it. I was always ready for a confrontation and saw the kids there as predictable and mindless. Over my time in that environment it felt like I gained the skill of just seeing right through most people.

It felt like that place changed me. I originally wouldn't even consider bullying or fighting somebody. I would just take the abuse and let people disrespect me because I was too stupid to realize that kindness and empathy were signs of weakness. Over time I was worn down until there was nothing left, but the bullying still didn't stop. I built myself up again from nothing and had to change my mentality to adapt. I felt like I lost myself at that place. I began to enjoy seeing other people suffer because it made me feel better for how I had suffered. Over time my benevolence was replaced with malevolence and malice. I would portray myself as a strong person even though inside I was hurting. I would experience incredible amounts of fear when exposed to disrespect in front of others. I'd feel like I would melt under the judgement of a crowds gaze. So many eyes on me watching me to see how I'd react was terrifying because the consequences for making a mistake were so high. The pressure of this felt maddening. This insane amount of fear would quickly shift to anger. I couldn't afford to show any vulnerability because people were watching. I couldn't afford to show weakness ever again. I was so terrified of my life going back to how it was in the early days of high school. This panic forced me to attack people even if there was no chance of me winning a fight. I just couldn't live with my life ever going back to how it was before. Whenever I dealt with somebody I would immediately experience an unexplainable high. The stress of the moment would dissipate and I would know for the meantime I was safe.

Rowlie's Origin Story 6cf216d0c45552419fd11e7822b7871ff38209a0_hq

College:

When I finished high school it was one of the best days of my life. I felt completely free. I watched as the people I despised cried at the school gates like babies. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. I remember calling them pussies and laughing at them. If I had cried in front of anyone during the hell I went through at that school I'd of never heard the last of it. I resented every single one of them, even my "friends" at the time. Those friends weren't my friends for any other reason than I was smarter than them. If I hadn't of given them food they would have never had been my friends. When I finished high school I instantly stopped associating with that kind of scum. I felt like I had gone to prison and been trapped with complete idiots for a crime I didn't commit. I spent so much time forced to be around people my own age that I learnt to deeply despise and discriminate against them. I never managed to shake this mentality. In my mind people my age were not good enough. I knew it was wrong to judge people for being young, but I couldn't help it. I had never met someone my own age irl who had any bit of emotional intelligence. After all the braindead idiots I met in high school I NEVER wanted to associate with people like that again.

So I went to college. It was a weird experience for me. I was expecting a similar time to what I had in high school. The atmosphere though was very laid back. Everyone there were civil. I remember being in utter disbelief. It took a while for me to realize how abnormal my school was. I wasn't used to being around normal people. A majority of the people I talked to I considered pansies. I was civil with them though and tried to hide my mean nature. It was a hard adjustment for me. I saw people being autistic and I wanted to bully them because that is what I learnt to do in high school. I knew college was different to high school though so forced myself to treat them respectfully... Even though I thought very lowly of them. I remember wondering what the hell is going on and why people like that were even allowed to exist.

If you hadn't of realized already at this point in my life I wasn't mentally healthy. I met a tutor who worked at my college who was really compassionate though. They talked to me a lot and could tell I had trauma. This was the first time in my life I had ever been shown compassion by an adult before. I told them I felt suicidal because of my past and they didn't freak out about it. They kept my secret and supported me with adjusting to college life. I ended up talking to them a lot over the 4 years I went to this college. They were somebody I could rely on and who seemed to want what was best for me. I learnt what it was like to be shown empathy, compassion and to be cared about by someone other than my brother. It was an eye opener to me. Through talking to her I realized just how much I had suffered. At the time I knew things weren't great, but I didn't think it was half as bad until I told her about the things that had happened there. She gave me a space to heal and move on from my past. I believe just from talking to her she helped me become a better person. A lot of my inner anger began to fade from sharing my experiences with her. It felt like my personality mellowed down a lot over my time at college.

During this time I continued to play xbox. Due to my first college course providing a much better environment than high school I stopped being as terrible. I loosened my grip over my clan and gave them more freedom. I went from a ruthless dictator to a more understanding and laid back leader. The moment I started being nicer to my clan it began to deteriorate. I think they enjoyed the environment I had built and when it changed it didn't interest them anymore. I gave them freedom and instead of them sticking around they chose to leave. The clan that I had built from the ground up was dying. I had collected hundreds of people to it over the years. I found witnessing it disband incredibly sad. I was a sentimentalist and cared deeply about all of the clan members that I had collected over the years. Instead of fighting it and trying to restore my dying clan with new blood I chose to just let it die. I wasn't a child anymore, but I was when I first made it. The clan was nothing more than a child's coping mechanism at one of the worst parts of their life. It's time was over. Very few of my clan members stayed in touch. I would often wonder if they ever thought about me. I doubt it. I like to think they remember me once and a while though because I remember all of them. A few of my clan members such as Minty and Dead Angel I still talk with to this day which is nice. The rest are long gone.

I think the year was like 2017 and I decided to create a new online identity for myself. I wanted to leave behind the username Bowser because it made me remember the person I used to be. It was a childish name that I had outgrown. I wanted it to die with my clan. I started going by the name Rowlie instead, but some Novastormers continued to call me my nickname Buz. I didn't mind being called that though.

Graduating College:

Some pretty awful stuff happened during the last 2 years of college and after I graduated. I won't go into specifics of this because only my most trusted friends deserve to know those details of my life. Without going into too much detail the woman who said she loved me betrayed me. That combined with having to leave the only place I had ever felt happy made me fall into a deep depression. My life became a meaningless existence of wallowing in negativity. I wasted a lot of time that I shouldn't have. I felt like a loser.

Rowlie's Origin Story Tumblr_ojx9t3eCL91qb9oabo7_400

Turning My Life Around:

I had just turned 23 years old. I hated how much time I wasted. I couldn't stand it. People I knew had careers, houses, were getting married and having children. I felt like a loser and didn't have a penny to my name. I tried to find love to fill the void, but older women instantly judge you on how much money you make. I remember being rejected for not having a job. They didn't just reject me though they straight up ripped me to shreds over it. I knew that I needed money, but I didn't know how to get it at the time. A regular job just wasn't going to cut it. I needed to make more money than the average person in order to make up for the lost time...

I began planning different ways to "get rich quick". Some of my plans failed due to lack of knowledge or support. Others failed because they were just shit plans to begin with. My final and last plan was to build a career online from home. I put all my efforts into this and vowed that if I didn't succeed I would kill myself. The weight of this meant that I could not afford to fail again. I began planning my business in extreme detail. I mentally planned out everything I would do to ensure my success. I had a talent for making efficient business decisions. I spent a lot of time building my business online from home. I didn't give up and continued to push forward. I found that the hatred, anger and inner pain that still resided in me were incredibly powerful tools for pushing myself to succeed. Every so often those emotions would run dry though. I would slow down for a bit, but the threat of losing my life and the support from my brother helped me to keep pushing forward. I kept my momentum going with my preparation for several weeks before opening my business. I worked hard to make up for the time I had wasted. The first month of my business being up and running I made over 6K. I wanted to become something somebody would want. Somebody who rejects others instead of being rejected. I realized just how much I wanted from life. I asked myself what I wanted and I wanted everything. I wanted so much money that I could get anything and everything I ever wanted.

Despite my success I feel constantly bored during everyday life. It seems no amount of money can change that. Nothing entertains me for very long. Video games I find especially boring as of late. I find myself talking to a lot of older women, but I get bored of them easily and usually reject them after a couple of weeks. I'm currently in the process of looking for a woman worthy of my time. I used to think very lowly of myself and believed that I was never good enough. Over time I realized that I am good enough and they should be bending over backwards to know me instead of the other way around. I have so much good going for me. I'm attractive, intelligent, articulate, successful and young. I don't know how long it'll take to meet somebody suitable, but due to being young I've got a lot of time to search for somebody special. I'm also in the process of saving up for my first house. I plan to buy it without needing a loan from the bank. I'm not buying an OK house either. I'm planning to buy an nice house and nice things. I also want to build my own private animal room within my own home. I plan to fill it with exotic and interesting animals to help cure my boredom. I think I'm then going to buy a Tibetan spaniel and Maine Coon cat as companion animals because they're my favorite breeds. I have always enjoyed animals since I was very young so the thought of having my own animal collection is awesome. I think I've adopted a healthier attitude and mentality, but I find it very hard to feel content with what I have achieved. Right now I'm feeling a lot happier about life because I know I've turned things around.

by **Mado** Tue Dec 22, 2020 10:52 am

You did mention that you faced some hardships in your life but I couldn't have imagined that you suffered to this extent.

Actually incredible story, inspiring even.

I hope you'll find better friends in us than what you previously had. I feel more connected with you now after knowing all this and I'm rooting for you and your future.

btw speed o sonic is cool good taste

by charizardf1 Tue Dec 22, 2020 10:50 pm

The hardest part of life is always waking up to the reality that going through life being just kind will only leave you open to more pain. In this life if you don't follow the flow of balance then you set yourself to burn more than you should. We humans weren't meant to be truly kind to one another, we live to survive and flourish. Differences between individuals are inevitable no matter your character. Evil and virtue will always coexist and the sooner that is accepted the less strain you put on yourself throughout life and the happier you will end up.

I'm really happy to have read your story. You went through a lot and it's always sad when a kind soul is forced to fall into savagery, but it was necessary for you to live better through that time. Even though you grew up under harsh conditions it probably made you a lot stronger than those who lived more comfortable lives.

People born into unfortunate circumstances like you and Mitch and come out better from it are people deserving high class respect. To directly go through a dark lifestyle being a person not fit for it. Tons of people aren't able to even make it through it due to how unbearable it is. I myself couldn't imagine myself going through that kind of life.

It's really nice that you have respectable goals and are progressing a positive path to this day despite your upbringing. The normal person just succumbs to the horrid lifestyle they grew up with. I wish you luck on the future ahead of you.

by Dragonite1127 Wed Dec 23, 2020 4:39 am

The abuse you have suffered from your father saddens me. The worst my dad ever did to me was hit me with a towel. I feel like parents should also be licensed as a way of protecting their children by ensuring that have a base minimum skill set and knowledge about good parenting. Making parenting classes mandatory would help establish a more productive and successful relationship with a parent and their child.

I do not understand this part from the high school arc: "My mum said that boys and girls can’t be friends in high school.” Did your mum believe in only friendships with the same gender? Did your mum not believe in high school love?

I wonder how most of the people in your high school ended up in their lives if most of them were jerks. So, you abandoned your friend in high school because she was too scared to defend you? Did you find this disrespectful?

I can relate to your experience of trying to find friends within the first few weeks of high school. That is to say, I did not find friends that stuck with me until the second semester of high school, but sadly the friendship did not last after the end of high school.

I loved learning more about your interactions with Mitch outside of Novastormchat. He seems like a truly special brother. Sometimes I wish I had a sibling my age. With a 10-year gap, interacting with my sister does not feel that intimate for me.

It is sad to hear about your chaotic high school experience. In the end, classes like physical education and foreign language classes are a waste anyway if you do not put value in it. Trying to please teachers will not get you anywhere. So, I do not think skipping classes is bad as long as you have at least one class or subject that you are passionate about.

I can relate to your xbox escapism story. In my youth, I would use my YouTube channel to escape the stress that was my parents’ constant arguments. I would upload videos of Roblox and Blockheads. I have done evil deeds like you trying to control people. Once, I made a server with a spawn trap. There was a sign at the spawn trap that read “Slaves for sale.” It was a server where you could buy slaves and tell them what to do. If they refused to obey, they would be banned. That was how I would control other people. But this experience too was short-lived. 99wolves would put an end to this server.

Luke seems like a fool. Who would be so gullible that they would delete all their friends just because a stranger on the internet told them to? What did Luke do to you? The part where Mitch stepped in to talk to Luke’s dad was comical. Why is your Bowser blue and not the original color?
It is great hearing that you are still friends with Minty.

Did your school not offer free or reduced lunch? Your country has the money to offer free college but not free lunch? Who are the people inside your inner circle?

I still do not understand this part: “I adopted the mentality that all good and bad things that happen to a person are deserved.” This looks like you are talking about either fate or karma.
Why did people care about their social standings? What meaning is there in beating innocent people up? It seems like you have had quite a lot of time on your hands if you were predicting the moves of a possible fight. I would not care about fights; rather, one would find me at the library reading a book.

How you describe people is funny. People “crying like babies” is normal for those graduating high school. How were they “pussies”? Are you suggesting that they were not ready for the real world?

What does it mean to have “emotional intelligence” in your eyes? While in high school, I feel like anime has taught me many emotions. Empathy and compassion are often illustrated in high school romance anime I watch.

When you stated, “older women instantly judge you on how much money you make,” does this imply that you have hopes of earning enough money to one day marry an older woman? Do you not care if a woman is just marrying you for your money?

Do Pokémon battles bore you now too? Maybe you should try joining one of my streams one day to see what kind of games I play. Maybe you might discover a new genre of video games that you will love.

What are your thoughts about Tinder? Or do you prefer other alternatives to this? How are you now trying to find older women?

I am glad that you learned to love your own qualities rather than trying to conform to the expectations and tastes of others. I am glad that you found goals that keep you motivated. Buying a house where I live seems like a ludicrous idea though unless you make over $100,000 per year.

I personally would not find joy in having the best furniture or the best clothes. I guess I might be a minimalist. For many minimalists, the philosophy is about getting rid of excess stuff and living life based on experiences rather than worldly possessions.

Are animals more interesting to interact with compared to humans? I have never had pets mainly because my parents disapprove of the idea. I am not sure if I would be a great parent for a pet, though. Maybe in the future, I may consider owning a cat.

This was a great read Rowlie and I loved learning about the events that shaped you as a person. You can always talk to me if you ever want to share any more of your experiences or thoughts!

by Tamicat Sun Dec 27, 2020 10:30 am

It's funny how much the simple act of escapism can play in our lives and the connections and meanings we find in these hobbies.

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