Summarizing My Perspective

To preface, I want to say that I do not intend to ever rejoin the community. I am offering these thoughts and feelings of mine as means of closure and clarification, as I sat out from participating in recent discussions such as the 'Diplomatic Thread'. I am not demanding any sort of dialogue to happen as a result of this, but I am willing to engage those with thoughtful questions, counterpoints, comments, etc..

Bandwagoning

Throughout my time at Nova, I have said and done various things that were out of line, such as 'hacking' Blasts's accounts, and blackmailing Tina. I agree that these things were worth reprimanding me for, but I had done these things when I was about 12 or 13. Even within a year from those events, I had matured substantially and fully grasped my wrongdoings. However, many people took it upon themselves to slander me and make judgements about my character even in the present as an 18 year old, solely based on these things that I had done as essentially a prepubescent child. And this personal experience ties into one of the first main problems I have with how Nova operated while I was there: bandwagoning.

I would be lying if I say I didn't participate in bandwagoning at times in Nova, but when you're in the environment of everyone around you doing it, you just feel like it's what you should be doing. This is why I don't fully blame people like Shaub for putting together these .0001 energy particle ass jokes aimed at Luna members such as Spin and I despite being basically absent from the website as a whole during the conflict's primary points and only deciding to tag along at the near conclusion; it's simply a matter of trying to ascertain clout and safety from those of the group who will ostracize anyone who doesn't play into their narrative. At any moment, Rowlie for instance could decide to target Shaub for being a furry like he has done to me for being on the spectrum or to Spin for being gender non-conforming. 

Anyways back to the main point I want to make here about bandwagoning; the way that every member in Nova has to have some last-second mashed together opinion about every situation, despite the majority of members not being directly involved in whatever conflict is happening at the time, is very weird. This happened recently with Naid, where despite Naid not really ever doing anything wrong to anyone at Nova or even talking to the majority of the members, many of them formed some backwards hostile opinion about her simply based on her alignment with Luna. And also with the 'Spiffy' (for lack of a better concise term) situation, nobody outside of Mado, Spin, and Yiffy really needed to be involved. Throughout my time at Nova, I kind of didn't understand when I would see people have these intense opinions about each other because I myself never really had intensely negative or positive feelings about any of the members; I never really found myself knowing anyone to well to make those calls. So when I would find out that people I had never really spoken to had formed such negative opinions about me just from hearing something of unverified validity from another member, it was frustrating and confusing. 

The majority of the conflicts that happened at Nova should have been moved to PMs. I recall Mado introducing this idea to Nova at one point, but it was poorly enforced. At Luna, we have had instances of conflict, but we have handled it a bit better (imo) by encouraging things to be settled privately if possible, and also by just confronting each other directly about issues if they arise rather than talking about it behind each others backs and letting misinformation spread.

Political Incorrectness

I was never too offended by anything said about me in this regard, but it would just be exhausting having to deal with people who I felt just didn't accept my identity one bit. Whether it be too my face, or when I was thought to not be around with people like Mitch saying shit about how people who use they/them pronouns have mental illness despite they/them literally just being default pronouns you'd refer to someone with if you weren't sure on their pronouns. My main issue with the political incorrectness frequent at Nova is that it never served any purpose; barring AJ perhaps, nobody was actually remotely funny with what they said- they were sacrificing face by saying these things and rather than gaining any sort of return in being funny, they just looked plain stupid. One scenario I want to bring up is Mitch and other non-black users of Nova continuing to use the N word despite it really serving no purpose over other vocabulary terms that convey their intended connotation without simultaneously being slurs. People use the word with no justification as to why they should use it over other words, creating an unnecessarily toxic environment for black members who are either ostracized for expressing disagreement with its use or feel cornered and gaslit into accepting it and it not being a big deal. 

Many times people would be subtly homophobic to me and try to play it off as a joke, and they'd gaslight me when I was annoyed by it. I don't consider myself to really get offended by much, but it just got annoying to deal with constantly when I knew that there were people and communities who wouldn't unnecessarily treat me like this. People such as Rowlie also took it upon themselves to target me for being on the spectrum, and along with Chris make unprovoked comments about my appearance despite being too pussy to show their own appearances in the first place. 

Addressing Counterpoints


In this section, I'd like to address some counterpoints that I believe may be formed against what I've said above.

"Didn't you participate a lot in drama?"
> Yeah lol. I'd like to apologize for having done so, as I believe many instances of it I was not really justified in joining in. I wasn't really justified in having an opinion on Spiffy even I feel. This realization I had was part of my reasoning for joining Luna; I wanted to distance from the people I was tempted to engage in pointless arguments with. 

"You and Spin are dating"
> No lol

"Didn't you say the N word"
> As an impressionable kid in 2016 surrounded by others who made me think it was acceptable to try and use it, yeah. However, I learned that the impact and default connotation of such terminology is out of my control and decided to substitute it with more fitting vocabulary that better captured the connotation I was going for when I was using it. 

"How can you preach kindness if you were mean to Drago"
> I think some of the comments I've made to Drago were a bit out of line perhaps, but in general my intention has been to be honest with him as a means of helping him, rather than coddle him like Mado has. 

Conclusion

This is all I've got for now lol, might edit or reply to this later with more thoughts I have about the situation. I have fairly neutral opinions of most of the members, while some are my primary reasoning for not wanting to return to Nova. If any of you have anything you want to say directly to me, good or bad, now's your chance!~

I think you said some things I’ve tried to say better than I have. I definitely follow and agree with the observation of bandwagoning culture. I’m pretty sure that most of the people reading that will just say you’re blaming the chat for your actions and just discard and ignore that possibility. The addressed statement isn’t even completely targeting nova, it’s basically admitting to choosing to do a bad thing following certain habits which is a personal flaw but of course nobody will attempt to look at it that way and instead just continue to view u as negatively as possible. I really do feel bad that over the years people never attempted to see your growth and continue to just view u as the same problem kid you were in the past. I do respect that you gave this post even though you really didn’t want to involve yourself any further in this.

I also don’t agree that you really bullied Drago. You were simply curious about him as a person and just wanted to understand why he does what he does. As somebody that really cares for Drago I never really felt that offended from things you’ve said towards him. People that dislike you more than likely just overextend this claim on you out of bias. Especially due to the fact there are people in nova that actually have direct hostility towards him but that’s not being addressed in the same fashion as you.

You were never really on my side from the start Talon and you'd often cause me a lot of grief on behalf of others like Char or Zero even years before I had such huge issues with them but...

This might sound harsh but you've always been kind of an asshole, you'd berate me at times for being too SJW and on your departure to Luna in this transitional period you've turned around to kinda imply I'm bigoted for not approving of spin's new position of being non-binary non-gender conforming. You also turned on Yiffy which bothered me while having this position he's now a pedophile you'd still ask him to play games and engage with him like normal because that's just kinda how you are I suppose. I didn't like that because it felt like you were being two faced turning on him and feeling nothing when he left just because you found spin to be more fun that week... but maybe I'm wrong on that too.

We should probably hate each other by now but actually I've always kinda liked you for some reason. You're often fun to be around even though you're a trouble maker and I'm sure you have plenty of negative things you think of me but ehh

I guess I'm just saying - For what it's worth I'll miss you if that's really the last you plan to interact with Nova and me again.

Maybe instead of focusing of the things I dislike I should just say there was a period where I actually had quite a bit of fun hearing about your daily adventures with Yiffy during a period there in Nova. I thought it was cute when you were banished and just hung out alone in hydro being pouty you only had someone like me to keep you company for awhile during your time out and you have matured a lot in good ways too. I think it's good you wanna take things a new direction and be better than you were yesterday.